Ascension Alchemists™ Podcast: Assisting Conscious Individuals Align With God Presence & Embody The Eternal Truth to Live An Empowered, Purposeful & Joyous Life.

8H&M : From Pain to Power: Navigating the Battlefield Within with Rev. HoniB & Michael

• Ascension Alchemists with Rev. HoniB & Michael

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The gap between talking about spiritual alignment and actually living it can feel like an impossible chasm. When triggers arise and old wounds resurface, where does our divine nature go? In this refreshingly honest conversation, Michael and his partner pull back the curtain on their own recent challenges to reveal what happens when spiritual teachers admit they don't have everything figured out.

They explore the mechanics of our internal battles—how the wounded ego fights against admitting pain, how our bodies physically store trauma, and how our minds create loops of self-criticism. But rather than offering tidy solutions, they share their real-time discoveries about breaking free from these patterns.

Michael reveals a breakthrough moment when he stopped seeking God outside himself and instead declared his internal authority—imagining himself as "God's boat" where negative emotions weren't permitted to enter. His partner describes finding a "pocket of freedom" through conscious breathing during intense discomfort, expanding that tiny spark of divine presence until it dissolved her heaviness.

What emerges is a powerful truth: admission of our struggles isn't weakness but the doorway to our greatest strength. When we stop fighting our internal battles and simply acknowledge them, we create space for God's presence to work through us. The journey isn't about perfection but honest recognition of where we are.

This conversation offers not just comfort for those walking a spiritual path, but practical insights for navigating the difficult terrain of embodiment. By bringing our struggles "out of darkness into light," we remove their power over us—transforming what feels like defeat into the necessary foundation for divine expression.

Join us in this authentic exploration and discover how to find that spark of divine presence that's always within you, waiting to be acknowledged and amplified. If this resonates with you, please share it with others who might benefit, and send us your questions as we continue this journey together.

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Rev. HoniB & MichaelA
We are THE ASCENSION ALCHEMISTS™: We Help Conscious Individuals Align With Their God Presence & Embody Their Eternal Truth To Live A Purposeful & Empowered Life. We are also the Co-Founders of Ascension Alchemy Association: A Heart Center...

Speaker 1:

Welcome everyone to the Ascension Alchemist podcast. This is episode number eight, so this is our combined episode. We're still figuring out the schedule in this third week. This is the third week of the training.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's amazing how we each get to individually speak what's coming through, but the same time, I feel what's so valuable is to have our divine energies come together and share what's moving through us and what's happening in real life for all, an authentic time.

Speaker 1:

The whole point of this one has been raw and real. There's there's no editing Right, so just straightforward. So I released my episode on Monday. So we're attempting to have two episodes a week, okay, where one of the week it's you and I and the other week is you.

Speaker 2:

Beautiful.

Speaker 1:

So we'll see and this is the audience you are part of the exploration of behind the scene as this is unfolding, while we're learning behind the scenes what takes place to be a professional podcaster and for us to be podcast hosts so I'm a podcast hold your podcast co-host, and all of this is set up to help us be in communication, for that communion within that we're standing on, Because our Ascension Alchemist is all about our mission, this alignment, the embodiment of God presence, and what it actually takes to do this. There's one idea of saying it right, so to say okay, here's our brand, Essential Alchemist. We help individuals align and embody their God presence. Essentially, we align with the God presence and then it is to embody that truth so we can be a blessing in our life and be a blessing to others. The walk of it is a very different walk, isn't?

Speaker 2:

it. That's why alchemy is such a profound mechanism, because I feel, as we walk through it, we're alchemizing a lot of these let's just say fun lower densities.

Speaker 1:

They're not fun, michael. Michael, there's no fun and I believe all of you as our audience, you know nothing fun to go through the actual alchemical process. Can we get all in agreement here? We're going to just welcome you to our living room. It's nice to put a little sprinkle of sugar on it, yet it's not fun.

Speaker 2:

I was making it more of a fun, lighter, and bringing a bit levity to it, which I do appreciate, because sometimes it can get so heavy and alchemizing. Transcending a lot of these let's just say lower densities, these emotions. Transcending a lot of these let's just say lower densities, these emotions, and just to call the real cat hidden under the carpet is these inner pains that our inner child hasn't fully resolved. And so you know, right when you think you've done all the work or you've mastered something, it's amazing how, within our relationship, within our day-to-day actions, how they come up just during times where it can really hit us, when we're vulnerable or we're overworked or overextended. And so I feel, you know, as we move through this, this alchemy of ascension which I'm grateful that that came through to you many years ago is really walking in a very strong nature, god-given way, because you know what I'm really seeing, honey, is that God presence is everything, it's everything when it comes to it.

Speaker 2:

And I know what I've struggled with recently is this human mind that sometimes just wants to run the show and it's been quite a journey these past couple of weeks, as many of us have gone through is not allowing the human mind to constantly dip into the pain body or to or to loop these stories that have not been healed and, most importantly, not project them upon loved ones so that the true God Self, our source of who we know, can live freely.

Speaker 2:

It's just this journey of sometimes meeting that old story, that old pattern, and for me it's been really interesting in this communication of really choosing okay, who's going to allow me right now? Is the human mind, the lower mind, going to run the show, or can I give it to the God presence that I know that is me, but somehow have had all this old behavioral habits, these old addictions, just these old things that sometimes come in and grab you and, as you've told me, it takes great discipline, right, great commitment to not let these I don't even call them setbacks because I feel they're setting us up for greater growth. It's just when we get hit by them how we can navigate through them in grace and in peace.

Speaker 1:

Do you feel we actually get hit by them, or is it that we fall victim to them?

Speaker 2:

I feel fall victim. It's a really great way to say it, because it feels like, because.

Speaker 1:

I know, when it shows up inside of me, I am experiencing from my human self, from my emotional body, in my feeling, in my thoughts, in my mind, this bruised, victim, hurt presence that shows up and it consumes me and it takes me straight to the times in my life as a child, that I felt that way. And then it's like, almost like I'm a balloon that gets deflated, deflated, deflated, like I'm a balloon that gets deflated, I deflated, I don't have power, I don't have energy, I'm just, I feel so broken, yeah, that that's what happens on the inside of me. And I haven't, I haven't noticed, when I go in that place, how, how challenging it is to come out of it. I've gotten better and better coming out, I'm catching it easier coming out of it, yet there's been a real struggle with that part inside of me. So that's why I say falling victim to it, because the victim, nobody ever victimized me.

Speaker 1:

It's me experience the victim within me and I feel the part of my transformation, the alchemy, has been to be very brutally honest with myself, to actually go in admission, admitting this within, so that, admitting that defeat within, so then I can actually do something about it rather than try to blame the outside and and blame you, blame everything else, for for that reality that is being played out through my own internal mechanical reality, between my thoughts, feelings, emotions in my body, and projecting out yeah, I really appreciate that of what you expressed, honey, because admitting takes such a level of courage, because how this funny ego wants to protect or wants to run the story.

Speaker 2:

And when I hear you say admitting, I I visualize like a light coming on into, like a dark closet or a dark room, because as we bring awareness to those areas that have just been hidden, then all of a sudden there is this acknowledgement, right, that it no longer can hide. Because once you say it, once you admit it, once you bring it to surface, which is by far not the easiest process- that's the hardest process.

Speaker 2:

It's the hardest, because sometimes there's this feeling of embarrassment and shame because of just where we are and what we thought we did with a lot of truth, of saying, okay, I'm expressing it and it's okay that I didn't show up in my greatest version, or I I'm coming out in my old version that really the truth hasn't been there because it's been hidden for so deep and do you find that there's been such a the stage before getting to admission?

Speaker 1:

there's constant explanation and defensiveness.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I feel the egos. I feel the egos.

Speaker 2:

The inner ego I feel like when the ego's bruised, it wants to fight and not feel any type of like you know responsibility because it wants to keep in that pain state. So, defense, explanation, validation, all these areas have been such an awareness. And I'll even go deeper. It's interesting how the victim part wants to hide and not even declare itself victim, meaning this For so long we've acted a certain way, but it's never really been caught out in victimhood. It's just been, that's the way it is. But then, all of a sudden, once we apply the word victim, the ego can play with this and say oh well, I'm not going to be the victim, I'm not going to be weak, I'm not going to become defeated.

Speaker 1:

So there becomes a whole aspect of Sorry if you're hearing the lawn mower blower in the midst of this conversation.

Speaker 2:

It's interesting to just bring truth and acceptance to that, because I feel like once that victim can be expressed in a way that this is it, then there's a whole new way to handle it, versus it being hidden. I don't know. For me, I felt like that victim has been hidden so deep of wanting to even be called a victim because of the layers that it wants to hide itself behind and, like you said, the mind wants to create an excuse of whatever pain has held me safe in that area.

Speaker 1:

So I found this like. On Sunday I released my Sunday service video, which was all about when you hit your end. There's something about when we hit our end, whether it's the end of our own selves, end of our own suffering, end of our putting up with things, end of, let's say, challenges, end of the. There's something about an ending when we come to that. We've just had it and often it seems like we're having, we're experiencing this on the outside with others, yet what's really happening is it's happening on the inside. We've had it on the inside. So that admission is very important because when we can admit defeat in ourself, that means I can't do this on my own anymore in the human self. That's when we then open up to God Almighty to do it through us, because with our human self we can take it through a certain level and it's beautiful. Yet the human self within its body, it's carrying all those emotional pains, right. It's carrying those feelings of the past. It's carrying the thoughts that were associated with the emotions and the mind directing it. So what happens is, as long as we are defending, explaining and not coming to a place of admission, admission, admission is like. It gives us the ability to end the fight within. That's why, like, for example, when people go to drug rehab or alcohol you know rehab, any of that the first thing is to admit. Most of them don't want to admit. For example, remember back in the day we would go out to, let's say, parties and what have you? And you have a friend who's been drinking and you want to take their car keys Like no, no, no, I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk. They don't want to admit, but what happens is they're causing harm to themselves and others. And there's this fight to not admit that versus if they admit, I need help, because the key is that place. If they say I need help, somewhere in the inside there is this failure I lost versus okay, now I can get the help that I need.

Speaker 1:

And there's somewhere inside of us that we have learned along the way, maybe through family, maybe through society, maybe through culture what have you? And also through separation from God Almighty. We've learned that we have to do it on ourselves. We've learned that we have to do it on ourselves, completely, take it on the human and not get the help from anybody else. So that comes from the ego, right, and that's not the healthy functioning we do have a healthy, functioning ego. That's the bruised ego.

Speaker 1:

The bruised ego is associated with all the pain bodies, the traumas and what have you, and it wants to say, no, I can do it. I can do it because it needs to defeat somewhere inside Versus. When you just give it up, I can't do it anymore, then you invite God, almighty in you, to work through you and the creator that created you to fuel you, to provide you, to supply you with what you need, because when the ego has been running the show from that place of pain body, it is blocking God's help. That's why I've even noticed, like, for example, this you see, often with men when they're driving oh, I know, I know the direction, they don't know the direction. This is before like all the what do you call it? The GPS, right? No, I know that I'm not going to ask for direction. I'm not. I'm going to try to. It's so much versus go to guys, ask for help. There's this thing of I will not ask for help of, I will not ask for help.

Speaker 2:

I feel like what's so interesting about the admission is seeing how that is right on line with acceptance. And as we don't admit, we're just creating more resistance. And, as we know, the famous line, what we resist will persist. And everything is about calls and reactions, flow, consistency, change and, as there's this lack of admission or this lack of moving forward, it presence and being in that world of God, because when we're in that world of God, there is no resistance, there is no defeat, there is no.

Speaker 2:

What the human mind wants to categorize and what's so powerful is to think like this has been years, generations, ancestry of just programming and nothing good or bad, right or wrong. We were born into a story that was already happening and we came here to transform and transmute these old, outdated levels of consciousness. Yet, like you said, the mind inside can think oh my gosh, there's the fear of failure. Oh my gosh, there's the fear of a loss. Okay, there's the fear of doing something wrong. Okay, there's the fear that I hurt someone. And so there's all these old parts of us that I feel are being literally like washed away. I feel like this time is such a mass shedding of what has been stored with us.

Speaker 1:

It is like a holy baptism in a whole different way and it's a kick ass Like let's be honest, like it's a kick ass. The last two weeks has been challenging for us and and I want this Ascension Alchemist podcast, when we're doing our divine union, to be this raw, real conversation where you, the audience, are part of our conversation about the, the real walk of this, because the real walk of this is hard, the real walk of it. There's a lot of incredible beauty along it yet. Yet, the, the challenge of the, the implementation, being able to meet these areas within ourselves and being able to face it's really facing ourselves. And that admission Like, for example, it reminds you of hospital right, when you go to hospital, you got to be admitted. In order to receive the help, you have to be admitted. If you're sitting in the waiting room, you have not allowed yourself to be admitted, they can't do the work for you. I mean, it's literally that so if we are not admitting, we can't receive the help.

Speaker 1:

And what I've seen over and over from God this is within myself I've seen here is the entire team of, where there are all these incredible team of angels that go to work. The God presence is there, the Christ light is pouring all over us, but it gets stuck because we are too stubborn to admit we have challenge and issue, because we don't want to be further judged by others. We already feel so judged on the inside, and I know like sometimes when I go through it, I feel frustrated on the inside. My God, I did it again to myself. I'm so mad at myself. Why did I put up tolerate things that I know? I know it's not right for me. What is that? So then, what happens on the inside? There's this internal, and I'm dipping into those areas of hurt inside of me. So then the feeling and the emotion of those hurts is becoming inflamed inside of me, and then it moves me to those scenarios of my childhood, whether I was being hit or what have you. My childhood, whether I was being hit or what have you. That was just so awful, and I want to defend myself against that. I want to fight against it or run away from it. It's like because I feel so victim and part of it has to do because as a child I wasn't able to process the emotion, I was never given the opportunity to process it, so it's just been buried inside.

Speaker 1:

But now I have arrived at an age where there's enough light, there's enough reflection, there's enough God's presence that wants to help me heal. So my entire system is ready to be healed. So it comes up, so it can be healed, it can be held, it can be held and then the power can return back to me, the power that was always there. It just got separated. So I completely grasped the mechanic of it and I know this Holy Spirit, through this incredible presence of God, wants to fully pour into the human body. But that stubbornness, that internal fight, not admitting that I need help, will not allow. So then I can't receive it. So then there's more frustration.

Speaker 2:

And you know it's interesting that I really relate to in that frustration that like, oh my gosh, it happened again and we get so upset at ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Especially in the spiritual community. Oh my God, I'm supposed to have everything together. Oh, we're in divine union. We have all of our shit together. No, we don't.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, admit it, I absolutely agree, absolutely agree. Admit it, michael, in front of our audience.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely no, we do not have. We have. We certainly have certain parts together, but we don't. It's in the work in progress.

Speaker 2:

I feel lots of us and those that are listening may relate to that and can also fill in that when we do something and it upsets the other person or it upsets ourself, there's almost this internal battle of what we did, because there's such a level of judgment judgment of how can we do this to ourselves, how can we do it to another person. Sometimes there's this internal lashing and when I so what happens inside of you.

Speaker 2:

What I was going to say is there's this part where there is such an anger at self and there's such a disappointment at self, and what I'm recognizing is there's such this harshness so who is?

Speaker 1:

who is? Who is speaking to you?

Speaker 2:

on the inside, just out of curiosity.

Speaker 1:

It's the, it's the human mind so it's your human mind you're finding. Your human mind is is is from that lens, if you can.

Speaker 2:

So I feel my human mind is acting too harsh, too critical. It's like punishing me because of past experiences or past hurt that's never been resolved and it's almost like this bully that's coming in. And I said this because when I heard you say that I get frustrated at myself. I get frustrated at myself and I'm sure many get frustrated at themselves because we just put so much pressure on ourselves.

Speaker 2:

I see many times like there's underneath this just not accepting ourselves when we're in a position that we feel something bad's happened. A position that we feel something bad's happened and why I'm saying this is what would happen if, when this God present comes in to remind us to be softer to ourselves when these things happen, be more kind to ourselves. When we're in this state that there's this internal fight, can we be more loving to ourselves or just do things that would just soften those thoughts, those emotions. Because it's almost like, once the fight gets going, the ego and pain, body and everything that's been the shadow has this trickery where it can get in loops and goes over and over and over.

Speaker 1:

And just let me. I love what you're saying. Let me just slow it down for a second because I'm actually really curious. You and I never had this conversation, so I'm actually curious to speak through this, because I'm curious what is actually happening on the inside of you and what's happening inside of me. So, for example, one of the things I noticed in this space that we're speaking of so I'm aware here's my human self.

Speaker 1:

There is a voice inside of me, there's a very identifiable voice that comes in and says somewhere in the inside I'm hearing it and inside my body is backing up that voice. That voice and the inside I hear it say see, that was wrong, you don't deserve it. You need to be treated better. You know, why did you tolerate that? What's wrong with you? Why do you not? Why? Why are you so weak? Why can't you get up? Why can't you do you know this is not right.

Speaker 1:

On the inside and there is an awareness, it's true One second, one second, one second, because I just want to tell you. So. Then, on the inside, I'm also experiencing my physical body. First, physical body is experiencing being tense, and then I can tell my emotion is like there's almost like it got inflamed and then I can tell the thoughts. It's almost my thoughts are split, it's my thought, but also it's almost like another thought attached to the thought, reinforcing my thought, in that I can tell I'm inside the body that hurts and I can't experience God in there. So that's the challenge I have. And one more second Recently, what I have been just recently been able to finally achieve when I'm experiencing that somehow I've been able to say no, you have no authority.

Speaker 1:

To that voice that is attached to my thought, that is giving a voice and I say this is a temple of Christ, this is a temple of God, you have no voice, you have no authority. So when I say that on the inside there's like this other voice that comes to me on the inside, then suddenly everything reduces and then this other presence comes over, covers this and it shrinks back and then I find myself I'm in a space and I'm in a different place. My heart is open. So I because I struggled so much with this and I and this is this is what's experiencing in the inside. So I'm really curious what are you experiencing on the inside of you?

Speaker 2:

Okay, Can I just go back one point that you said, because there was one thing that you said that I just want to make sure it's not the truth because first I will share. But you said at one point when that voice comes and says you're not deserving this shouldn't happen. This is that. And you said I know that's the truth. I feel there's that voice from pain and there's that voice of trauma and as much as it's sticking up, it's coming from a very painful place. So when it's in a painful place, it's not in a loving, it's not in a kind, it's not in a soft, it's not in that God essence of acceptance. It's coming from a place already of hurt. And I feel anytime we go through that hurt from that lens, it distorts the truth of what's happening in that moment because it's coming from the pain body and it only sees it from that story.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and one second, one second. You're absolutely right, and it is truth from that lens of pain, body Right, that's what I'm speaking of Okay, there you go. So that truth, it's not the God's truth, but it is truth, it's a validation.

Speaker 2:

It's the truth from that pain body that hasn't been fully resolved Right when it's fully resolved, that truth changes because that's right coming through the pain and, as we know, when that pain is present, anything that we receive has to go through that pain body, which and it just wants to be validated.

Speaker 1:

But right.

Speaker 2:

The point is when those messages, those voices, what we receive comes through the pain but it's on your own lens what's happening on the inside of you. I recognize something very similar. There is this there is, when something happens again, that voice is like that shouldn't have happened.

Speaker 1:

So speak from you. So this is what's happening on the inside of you.

Speaker 2:

So what's happening within the inside of me is I feel, there's this sensation within my body that something just happened wrong to me. I wasn't deserving of that. Why did someone speak like that to me? Why is this happening to me? You did nothing wrong.

Speaker 2:

So there's this feeling of like something is wrong on the outside and on the inside. That's when that feeling comes up, because I'm very sensitive inside. That's when that feeling comes up, because I'm very sensitive, that can start opening up emotions of worry, emotions of stress, emotions of anxiousness, because all of a sudden there's this uncomfortable feeling within me that I've had my whole life is of separation from God. And when I say of separation from God, of separation of love, because when I feel in love, when I feel not human love, god's love in unity, there is this complete anchoring of my truth. And when I say anchoring of truth, there's this feeling of strength, there's this feeling of my true nature. When I'm in separation of that, due to these emotions like hurt, pain, fear, stress, worry, then they start to pull me lower and further away from my God presence, and that's what I feel within me becomes. The mind starts to go into this questioning.

Speaker 1:

So this mind you're talking about, so your mind, is it your thought, or is it your mind?

Speaker 2:

It's the thoughts that are coming from the limited mind, because what I'm aware of is there's limited beliefs that have formed over many, many decades, lifetimes of what I perceive as true and that's coming from the human mind, the limited mind.

Speaker 2:

And so, as I go through this, the challenge becomes of not accepting those limited beliefs and not letting those limited beliefs run the story. Not letting those limited beliefs run the story. And what has helped me is end the story by getting out into nature, being in present, moving in exercise, doing something that I can move the energy, because somewhere I know, when there's a trigger or there's something that happens within me that I get upset, then feels like there's an energy that starts to move within me and that energy starts to then open up other areas that are connected through fear, through worry, through stress. It's almost like that energy comes into me and starts unlocking these other doors that are just waiting to come out, to be like, oh my gosh, here's anger, here's stress, here's worry, here's all these emotions that haven't been fully processed, but now we have an event that's come along and they all want to come together as one big, heavy party.

Speaker 1:

So on the inside you're experiencing. Are you hearing voice? Are you hearing thought?

Speaker 2:

I don't hear it. I'm more of a feeler.

Speaker 1:

So what I usually feel so cognizant and sentient.

Speaker 2:

I'm more feeling immediately in my belly, this knot in my belly immediately, and then cognitively, I'm not literally hearing voices. Cognitively, I then can hear all the questions, and all those questions aren't helping me, they're actually instigating me, and so that's where I feel.

Speaker 1:

And is that? Do you have a mean mean voice? Is it a? Is it a mean mean? Like are you? Do you have inside of you that the thought, the thoughts that you're having, is it coming from a? It's almost like inside of you there's this mean part of you that's formulating these thoughts.

Speaker 2:

I feel like the first thoughts come across as sadness and grief, because it's been anger that's built up over a long amount of time that's expressed that. Then I feel if the event triggered any frustration. There is anger in that, but a lot of it comes back to that victim of like wow, I can't believe this happened to me. What did I do to deserve this? It's almost like because there's this element of worth that the ego likes to me. What did I do to deserve this? It's almost like because there's this element of worth that the ego likes to like. I don't know how to describe it in words, but like when something happens like you said, it's like well, look, look what happened again. It's almost like the ego becomes my worst friend is like you know, look what you did again.

Speaker 2:

The blame, the shame, the guilt comes into it. So that may be one voice. Another voice may be like you know, you shouldn't ever allow this again. This person is not with you. This person is only going in the direction of an enemy. So it's not. It's telling me. It's more of just that cognitive feeling of these thoughts and emotions working through me. Feeling of these thoughts and emotions working through me and because they build up in me. Sometimes I get so distracted in that that I'm not even aware if I've created the impact specifically on you or I've caused it. I have a hard time pushing all that to the side and then coming to it, because inside there's this battlefield and when there's that battlefield, many times we're like well, can't you come in your compassion, your greater love? I'm like I can do that.

Speaker 1:

But what's happening is like so this is actually interesting. So do you then on the inside, because you spoke about your belly. So on the inside, are you experiencing like suddenly you've dropped inside your belly and you're consumed by it like, and you're inflated by it? Cause I'm just curious what is happening on the inside of you? As I shared, what's happening like is that I'm very aware of the different parts what's happening on the inside.

Speaker 2:

I'm aware of my solar plexus, in that that area all of a sudden feels like it's been, like has been impacted, and when it becomes impacted it almost feels like.

Speaker 1:

So what is impact? That means like it's got a grip on it. It got tightened, so like a bellyache.

Speaker 2:

Like a bellyache. So imagine like a bellyache yeah, a dull bellyache, that's there, and until it gets resolved, that bellyache is there.

Speaker 1:

So there's like a held tightness of hurt inside of there. So I'm curious, because this is for our audience. I'm curious to see if this happens to all of you or, as we're isolating this, you can also see what happens to you on there. Can you even relate to what we're speaking about?

Speaker 2:

I mean, I feel like it happens in my belly and then what I do is I go throughout the day stopping to breathe, focusing on meditation, focusing on areas to help me release that pressure or tension, because there's somewhere that, that emotion which makes sense in eastern medicine, because this bleeding stomach is all about transportation, transformation. So I feel like there's a, there's a stuck energy that is there, and then from that point, um, I really have to shift higher so that the body doesn't start to pull me in because, like you said earlier, we were talking about this, it's interesting you have the body doesn't start to pull me in Because, like you said earlier, we were talking about this, it's interesting, you have the body, you have the thoughts, you have the emotions, you have the feelings. There's so much activity happening within us and then we have God presence. And so for me, sometimes that God presence is hard to pull within, because who's leading the battle? The battle that's like look at me, pain me, pain. It's almost like the senses are screaming to get so much attention and because I've given that to them, I've really been in disempowerment by literally letting all those features you're on this, you're on the show then it's just been a muscle, not practice, to bring that god essence in. Now. It's interesting because when we meditate, we're on vacation, we're in these beautiful, incredible areas where god essence comes in.

Speaker 2:

It's interesting because when we meditate, we're on vacation, we're in these beautiful, incredible areas where God essence comes in. It's like, oh wow, I'm a channel of light, I can do this. Well, that's easy when everything's going well, in a state of alignment, when the rubber hits the road and we're in it, and especially in a divine union, or there's core wounds that are happening. That's where the delicacy of what I'm starting to practice deeper is how can I bring softness and kindness and lightness to that area within me that just wants to battle? Because somewhere within me I know that's a strength that God's given me Kindness, it's given me compassion, it's given me sweetness. How can I direct that energy to the human self? That's literally like a little child that's freaking out. Yeah, and that's part of the process that I've been learning and I feel what's come through me this week is really the importance. That I feel should be a workshop.

Speaker 2:

We should do is just self forgiveness, you know it's like like a big forgiveness of self we don't talk about, and even you know some people like well, I can forgive myself easier, I just can't forgive others. Well, it's a two-way street and we know, when we forgive ourselves from the things that we're blaming others, it softens. And, most important, what I see is it let like we release the pain, yeah, from what we're still shackled to yeah, the experience, the person, depending where they are. Like we release the pain from what we're still shackled to, the experience of the person, depending where they are in our life. We're releasing that experience and so I feel self-forgiveness. There's a lot that we can do with ourselves just to really breathe in a somatic way that shifts that attachment, because somewhere we've seen this. This pain is is just, it's buried itself so deep that sometimes what most people can understand is that pain won't be released unless something equal or greater of that vibration hits it. Yeah, and that's where I'm going to show it to reveal it.

Speaker 1:

It's, it's really revolution and I and I found that daily forgiveness becomes such a key, daily forgiveness of self and others, because it just shows up. That's like a holy baptism again, because when we cry that out, our heart softens. The other part that I want to share is on the inside. This whole journey on the inside, it is an internal journey and it is an internal battlefield Like. When I look at it, it's like it's a battle and I say I'm tired of the internal, I'm tired of the fight. The fight is on the inside and that's a huge step towards the admission, towards the revelation, towards the salvation right and then declaring what God says about you instead. So one of the things that I didn't tell you in this last two weeks that I discovered, which was really revolutionary for me, was so when I'm in that state, when inside my body is flame and the thought, the voice is there and the emotion is in flame and it's painful.

Speaker 2:

And you hear the voices literally. You literally hear the voices.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, because it's like the voice of the pain is speaking, you know, and all of that. And on the inside, something new happened that I discovered. I discovered because I would always try to have God on the outside come and help me right For the first time I discovered something different, discover something different. For the first time I discovered and this was very recently, this week, as while this was happening and the discomfort was there, really all of that was that I was present to it yet, because it seems like there was a space where, on the inside, I could also choose if I want to not just spiral in it, if I want to drown in it.

Speaker 1:

This is very important what I'm saying, because I imagine like I'm a boat. So if I'm in a boat, I'm in the water. Unless the water gets in my boat, I won't sink, but otherwise I'll be floating above the water. So on the inside, I observe okay, here's the pain in my physical body, here's the emotional body, here's the thoughts. They're all on this little boat and they all want to come into my boat. And somewhere on the inside I was like this boat, this is God's boat, none of you can come in. But from inside, and it was almost like as if the golden thread that was inside all my organs, all my muscle, all my intelligence, in the bone cells, that was the one. I said no, the authority is this boat, this boat, none is allowed to come in this boat. And I took, and I found I took authority. Then I could experience God presence coming to me. It was a whole new experience I had with that.

Speaker 2:

And you know what's really interesting you say about that, because you said usually you look outside of yourself for God presence and what you just said, then God present comes into me. What's so fascinating about that is it feels like many of us, including myself, look outwardly for God presence. When God is within us and when we really go deep, we're all expressions of God. So that's already here. By you declaring that and by you proclaiming that within you, on the inside.

Speaker 2:

On the inside, then is a game changer, because then you're shifting that energy within you that's building within and I took authority.

Speaker 1:

That's what I'm saying. So it was a whole. It was a brand new experience. I had Michael, because on the inside I could. It was almost like I could feel there's this, there was this boat, my to come into my boat and on the inside, on the inside.

Speaker 1:

I claim you have no authority and that was part of me taking my power where on the it seemed on the inside has been powerless because of the hurt, because of, you know, being hit, being beaten and all the traumas, right. So that's attached to the emotional body that once there's a desire to be healed, that's all it is. There isn't anything. It just wants to get the power back and feel the emotion. And here's the thing. Do you know what was it? For the first time, I touched my body. At the same time I said I'm safe in God to feel this and it's not going to come into my boat, but I can feel it, I'm safe feeling it and I'm not going to drown in it. It was so incredible on the inside to take that authority from within which I'd never experienced, the authority from within and I felt a freedom on the inside that I've never experienced before.

Speaker 2:

That's absolutely beautiful, Ani. It's beautiful because-.

Speaker 1:

And I journaled it all. I was like, wow, this is like a whole new mechanism.

Speaker 2:

And isn't it interesting that you felt safe in your God presence.

Speaker 1:

To feel the emotion.

Speaker 2:

To feel the emotion and I wasn't going to drown.

Speaker 1:

The whole thing was like the fear. I'm going to drown Because the fear for me has been the fear of how painful it is to feel the pain.

Speaker 2:

Right, and so I just want to go there. One that's worked both of us that's worked with pain and trauma. The fear of why many of us don't go into that pain and I'm sure many can resonate is because they fear they're going to get lost in it and that pain's going to be spiraling down where we can't get out of you will get even more hurt.

Speaker 2:

Right. What's interesting that you applied and I was writing about this yesterday and today is when we declare God is our safety and we allow ourselves to really merge with that feeling. Merge with it in a way where we breathe in it. We feel the strength of it. We feel it when I say God, it's like the greatest innate energy one could possibly imagine the source of creation.

Speaker 1:

The source of creation.

Speaker 2:

And when we can, and those that can connect to that, imagine the strongest, most powerful mountain in the whole wide world. That is you within and by you sharing that and saying that it's such a vital piece that when we're not feeling safe or when we're feeling triggered or we're feeling in a place of insecurity, to immediately not outside of us but call that God presence within us, because you want to hear something. Last week my belly was hurting so much.

Speaker 2:

And so in the morning I was going through my meditation and then I took a breath, and then, that one breath, I felt this pocket of freedom and it was like oh my gosh. And so I went back to that breath and I was like, oh my gosh, there's a pocket of freedom, there's a pocket of space, there's a pocket of space, there's a pocket of love, there's a pocket of.

Speaker 1:

It was like but how was your breath? Was your breath different than the breathing?

Speaker 2:

Extremely was because I went straight to abdominal. But then I extended my inhale to the highest level I could extend so I could breathe, I could expand my belly and everything that was in it, and I held it for a couple seconds and as I let go I could feel that pocket and in that pocket I could feel there is the God essence of safety and security. That I know is my truth because it felt good. It was that gut feeling that everything's going to be all right. And so in 98% of discomfort there was that 2% that I found in my belly, in my gut, and then all of a sudden it was like that spark then was like okay, now go to that feeling, now go to that emotion, now go to that feeling that you just did.

Speaker 2:

And it was so funny because my mind was trying to, you know, distracted Thoughts would try to come in to say you have this going on. I heard Juju Berry in the background. It was like everything was like this master test of saying can you still go back to that God presence as there's a tornado or hurricane moving all around you? And so I kept going back and part of what I did was I shifted. Not only am I safe, but I kept saying I believe. And that powerful phrase of I believe gave me certainty and this feeling of deep truth because— but believing what you believe, what Believing in the God presence that's within me, okay, okay, gotcha, gotcha.

Speaker 2:

So I don't want to say too long, because the mind's— no, no, no. But so on the inside.

Speaker 1:

You were believing that God presence in there. I was believing it.

Speaker 2:

Gotcha, and then I was feeling it and then I was breathing it at the same time, so that I could amplify that presence within me, so that it could start to dissolve things around me. And as I kept saying, I believe because it was like me talking to my God self in- allowing that that's true on the inside, and so, as I did, of course, then I sent the golden light of love through that, and then it just started expanding, expanding, expanding. And then what happened is all the heaviness started to fade away.

Speaker 1:

It started to fade away. Where In my belly it went from my belly and then, as it went through my belly, it started to fade away.

Speaker 2:

It started to fade away where In your belly. It went from my belly and then, as it went through my belly, it started to rise through my chest. I placed my hands over my heart. I confirmed, within the light of love and God's presence within my heart. It started to elevate through my throat, through my head. So it was like imagine it was not only moving but elevating in a way where what was contracting and having a hold over me was slowly.

Speaker 1:

So was the release coming from inside, coming from your physical body?

Speaker 2:

out, Imagine something very hard in the inside from an alchemy. When we think of, you know, solid to liquid, to gas. I felt like that energy was being alchemized through my body and up. And it was so interesting because all it was was a single thread of that feeling of like on the darkest of thoughts.

Speaker 2:

There was just that one breath there was just that one feeling of like there is love, there is freedom, there is God essence within you. And because I was able to feel it and capture it, that gave me beyond hope, that gave me beyond trust, it gave me faith that something bigger than me was within me, so that I didn't have to go outside of me. That's awesome in me, so that I didn't go, I didn't have to go outside of me and that's awesome. I could stay within me because once I started to work with it like a muscle, like practicing it okay, thoughts were coming in, okay, come back to it it started to elevate me into a higher level of joy and happiness, and that's where it started to show like, wow, it's already within us, now it's just applying the practicality.

Speaker 1:

Isn't that amazing. I love you share that because it is that spark of divine right. So we do this every Monday night meditation. We are that spark of divine. We are created with it. It's already within us, yet we're trying to find it on the outside and when it's this density, we come on the inside. Somewhere in there there's that spark, and if this is, you know how they always talk about if there's even a grain of mustard seed, there's the tiniest. If you can tap into it, it will consume you with that light, because that's how much power and force it has. It is that truth, that Christ truth is that luminous and it frees you from inside out. So this is the walk. It's not an easy walk and it feels like an entrapment on the inside until you go inside and unlock it right To free yourself from the internal present.

Speaker 2:

And I remember growing up and my parents you know very high teachers, those connected to God would really say everything you need is within you and it's such a powerful and it's such a powerful simple statement. But when we really feel that and then amplify to everything is possible within you, and then amplify that to another level, I feel like there becomes this shift of vibration that we can start to move from those denser areas and then allow that God presence.

Speaker 1:

Because with God, everything is possible. That's like our keynote, that's the whole branding with God, everything is possible.

Speaker 2:

And part of it I really feel, with this episode and many others, is going to the next question of how's my relationship with God, because everything that we're talking about really comes back to our alignment and embodiment of it, and that's where you know, from the beginning of this conversation to now, it's helping me to really focus and be disciplined upon my mind as a doorway into my soul, so that whatever I'm putting into the mind or whatever's going through is feeding me, so that I have a choice of what I want to let in and what I want to let out for the highest and greatest good.

Speaker 2:

That requires this mouth that many of us men blot out stuff without knowing, and also what we want to put into our thoughts and emotions, because really, this temple, this sacred vessel, has such an incredible gift to serve and we haven't even touched it. Because the amount of god essence that we align with ourselves throughout the day and then walk through that the whole day as we can, can see hasn't hit its highest potential and when we do become that, the world opens up to the creative resources that we know we're going to to shift a lot of that lower mind, lower pain and what most of us are on the journey of of those inner traumas that our childhood just kept them for so long.

Speaker 1:

Yeah for sure, yeah for sure that our childhood just kept them for so long. Yeah for sure, yeah for sure. So these are our usual conversations with it's the conversation we have after we've gone through it and it seems like we're finding the mechanics and the articulation of the mechanics, the internal way, and this whole Ascension Alchemy podcast, especially when we're doing our union talk. It's exactly. It's not scripted. We're not scripting what we're going to talk about, because I wanted it to be in real life, real time when we've gone through things and whatever it is that we get to give voice to our own internal journey. And then in between and sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not, sometimes it's in the thick of it and we want you, the audience, this alignment walk, because it is. It is bringing awareness to the areas that is ready to be claimed.

Speaker 1:

Ultimately, we are in these bodies with this Christ light, the eternal light, to walk it, so it radiates freely out of us, where the heavenly goods pour through us as blessings.

Speaker 1:

But these pockets of these things, the pains and the hurts, don't allow it. It completely blocks it and as it blocks it, it blocks it in our own flow, it blocks it in our relationship, it blocks it to be a blessing unto others, and I feel that's what's underneath. That hurts because we know the deeper truth of it. So when we bring these conversations into life, we take it out of darkness into the light number one. We make it a natural way of expression, communication and also to recognize there isn't actually a problem. This is the beginning of solutions, because we're admitting it at mission, so then we can declare the greatness on the inside, proclaim it and from that authority that we're taking from within to begin living where it becomes a living embodiment. So it's like a stepping stone, stepping process, and thank you so much for joining us on this podcast episode and we really enjoy being with you and sharing our journey and our walk with you.

Speaker 2:

I feel it's so valuable that we can bring forth these common conversations that can just help people become a little more aware of what's happening through this inner journey of alignment, inner journey of embodiment and inner journey of what every human has to do on this earth is move through challenge and difficulties. That only allows higher growth within them. And I feel, with Honey and I, we're very grateful because we seize this as opportunities to learn, to educate, to speak and, most important, to share and connect, because we love community and we love how this opens up opportunities to really bring forth direct experience that can help so many when they feel stuck. It's such a full perspective to give. What I see is pieces to. We came into this world, divine perfection, divine wholeness, divine beingness that is already here.

Speaker 1:

The journey is to have a little fun and levity and ultimately, michael, it's very healing because it's taking our relationship, because a lot of times we're in these sacred bonds, right, and there's this assumption that we're not going through anything. And then sometimes, when we get into these, let's say, conflicts, it feels like a failure, right, it feels, and there's a shame with it. Yet, and being able to authentically speak, we, we move it out of that space of shame to recognize there is no shame. This is the journey. It is a walk and it's a tough walk and we've chosen to say yes to it. So there's a victory with it. There is.

Speaker 2:

And as the walk goes, let's make it less tougher, so it can be an ease and grace too, it becomes easier.

Speaker 1:

I really feel it becomes easier. So much love everyone. Thank you so much for joining this episode with us, episode eight, and we look forward in catching you on the next one, and we would love for you to share this with others. If it had value for you, please share it with others so they too can benefit, and send us our questions right.

Speaker 2:

Much love, many blessings and once again, thank you for joining on this beautiful episode.

Speaker 1:

Bye-bye.

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Michael Abramson

Co-host