9H: Breaking Free From Internal Battle: When God Takes Over As You Hit Your End with Rev. HoniB + Farsi Speaking At The End For Persian Audience

The raw, unfiltered truth? Even spiritual leaders face devastating internal battles. In this deeply personal episode, Reverend Honeybee reveals her recent two-week struggle with emotional pain that brought her to a breaking point—and the extraordinary breakthrough that followed.

Have you ever felt trapped in an internal prison of your own making? That's exactly where I found myself, caught in the grip of familiar pain patterns despite years of spiritual practice. I share how external circumstances triggered old wounds, creating a cascade of difficult feelings, emotions, and thoughts that seemed impossible to escape. The frustration was overwhelming—knowing God's presence was available yet feeling unable to access that peace.

What happened next changed everything. At my absolute end, weeping on my meditation cushion, I surrendered completely. Words of power flowed through me: "In the name of God, I am released from these burdens." Physical chains broke inside me as my entire being shifted. I detail the remarkable physical and energetic changes that occurred in that moment—how my posture straightened, my voice strengthened, and something left my body as I declared my freedom "under God's wings of victory." Within an hour, this internal transformation created a dramatic shift in my external reality, allowing me to navigate a difficult conversation with unprecedented love and clarity.

The battle you're facing might be your greatest opportunity for divine intervention. When we truly reach our end and invite God's presence in, everything shifts. You are loved every step of the way, even when you can't feel it. Ready to break free from your own internal prison? Listen now, and discover the power of surrender.

For those of you that are ready to work with me One-on-One deeply with your Personal Transformation through God Almighty with the Private Spiritual Mentoring I offer, please email me at RevHoniB@AscensionAlchemists.Com for my 3 or 6 months offer. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Raw Reality of Internal Battle
• 4:43 The Prison of Emotions and Thoughts
• 9:05 Reaching the End and Surrendering
• 15:30 Divine Breakthrough and Liberation
• 19:45 The Journey of Spiritual Transformation
• 30:10 Message in Farsi for Iranian Listeners

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:02

Blessings everyone. Welcoming you to Ascension Alchemist Podcast. This is Reverend Honeybee with my solo episode today. And today's episode is sharing my heart out with you regarding the internal battle in this very raw, real expression. So even us ministers have an internal battle. And that's the truth. Internal battle is with all of us on the human planet. If you're a human form, we are going to have battles that are designed for us to go through and to overcome. And for a very long time, I actually would get really upset when there was a battle. I could see the battle on the outside very clearly, and I was very observant of the inner battle on the inside. How many of you can relate to that? That internal battle where you're battling to make sense out of what happened, attempting your best to make sense out of it, to translate it, maybe analyze it. And somehow this outer reality made an impression on the inside. And on the inside, certain feelings were experienced within you, certain emotions surfaced, then you went to certain thoughts, and then the mind started going all over the place. And within this, then there is mighty God, mighty God presence. And sometimes experiencing, well, where is God in here? Because I'm experiencing all of this battle on the inside, and I'm not happy with the reality that took place on the outside, yet I'm aware enough that I have to look within me. And within me, as I sit in it, there's a part of me that is experiencing the compassion of what my human is going through. And at the same time, as I lean back more, then there's my awareness noticing the struggle that the human has, and there's an attempt for the truth of God Almighty to be shared from within so that the perspective on what is being experienced on the outside can change, and it's not as easy. There's a true battle, and I want to speak of this battle because this is something that I had been experiencing the last two weeks, a real true internal battle. And because of where I'm in life right now, and having gone through so many of these cycles, there is a deep awareness and understanding that these dips where my consciousness is dropping into the awareness of the situation, and it seems that my energy has dropped. What is actually happening is I'm going into that space of deeper understanding. And whenever we come into a deeper place of understanding, maybe some of you can relate, we start experiencing the feelings, the emotions, and the thoughts, and and often because they're associated with heavier, say, feelings. For example, the feeling of frustration, the feeling of being mad, the feeling of feeling being upset. So then the emotion is maybe anger, maybe sadness, maybe despair, right? So the thought is, oh, I can't get, you know, the thought is I can't believe that happened, um, this shouldn't have happened. Um, what am I doing wrong? So then it goes into the internal, it touches the belief system where the belief, maybe some of it is being conscious, this always happens. I don't know how to get through to this. I just feel every time I'm trying to do something, this happens again. So there's that belief, and then underneath it is the unconscious belief, and then there's the mind trying to dictate it, and simultaneously here's God's presence that wants to reveal another perspective because what is happening is that this internal prison that we have created that we're not even aware of wants to break the bars of the prison. And I literally experienced that this past week. This internal prison that I knew I've put myself in, and it's nobody else's, it is mine, and I'm hitting my end of this because of the sensitivity of the amount of feelings, the amount of emotions, the level, and taking it on, not just for myself, for others, and and experiencing the weight of it. And there have been also a few cycles in my life that I've gone through this, and it seems on the inside that I'm done with me, and naturally on the outside, I'm seeing an expression of it where it's like I'm done with this, and I know I'm done with it, yet I can't reach it. So I'm sitting in prayer, I'm asking God Almighty for help, I'm opening myself to that Christ's light to shine this light brighter, and it is shining, it is shining bright on the area, and it requires a different step to be taken, and this is often the challenge in so many of us that we can't take this step. So, for me, this past week, something had surfaced in my outer reality, which I was able to take note. Okay, this is definitely on the internal that the internal screws have to tighten up because it's tying to my past, it's tying to past hurts, it's tying to past pain in the emotional body, and the pain body inside of me is uh more inflamed. I'm aware, so then there is this awareness. Okay, so there's more cortisol being produced here, and I want this to end. So I'm sitting in prayer. God take care of me, help me, and come to me. So I'm opening myself and I'm noticing I'm able to drop in there, and I'm able to be held by the behelder and be comforted. So as my eyes are closed, I'm there, I'm okay with the breath, and I can lean in and relax. Yet when I open my eyes as I start to go about my day, then I've dropped into my human, and there is that presence of the heaviness, the feelings, and the emotions, and it seems that it wants to engulf me. Simultaneously, being aware enough while this is happening, there is an invitation that God is not doing anything out of integrity, out of purpose, out of will. I know exactly this is happening for my highest good, and my gosh, it sucks. I don't want to go through it, I don't want to deal with it. My human self doesn't want to feel the yuckiness of it. I'm inside yuck, and so I'm journaling, I'm breathing, I'm walking, and on the inside, the pain is much more there. Careful enough also not to speak it, not to give it power, so it doesn't amplify further because it's already inside of me, and it wants to hover over and kind of drown me, and it is something that has succeeded so many times. Perhaps this has been also the same with you. So many times you've gone through and you've let yourself be completely defeated by your feelings, by your emotions, by your thoughts. And somehow you thought those things are you. You weren't even able to distinguish that's not you, those are just your feelings, your emotions, and your thoughts. Those change all the time throughout the day. That's not your truth, yet you're in it and you're being pulled into it, so then you make the terrible decisions from there, then you regret, and it's like a vicious cycle. When the awareness comes in, you recognize that's not what I want to do anymore. I'm aware enough, I don't want to do that. So, with God's presence, when we lean back, that is there. Yet the biggest struggle is because the pain body is connected to the part of the brain that has been so hardwired from this place of survival that many of us have programmed it without knowing, we have conditioned it without knowing, we have strengthened it without knowing, and it's this huge muscle that is so strong and has a tight grip. So, this was me with this tight grip this week. Very aware, very much present with it, embracing the gifts that will come out of it simultaneously, recognizing this part of me on the inside that felt very weak because this muscle was by far much stronger. So then the thoughts with that came. You always suffer, you always, you always neglected, you always, so all these always came up. So then there's the voice. How many of you with me? That voice that comes on, and it's not a nice voice, it is a voice that wants to protect you, is the voice of that protector part of you, and it has its purpose, yet it keeps the grip tighter. So while I was in this internal battlefield, it was exhausting, I have to say. By the way, do you know that when we do not forgive, let's say ourselves, it's sometimes much easier to forgive others, but not ourselves. So, say if you're not forgiving yourself, I'm gonna come back to the point I was making. It's equivalent, like in a day that you haven't forgiven yourself, they have been able to find the amount of energy is equivalent to 40 hours in your week of work, of labor, how much that impacts you. When I learned this, I was like, wow, that's that's tremendous. And certainly I do not wish to engage in that, yet I do also fall victim in it. Because sometimes, even though I'm very connected with God, and even though God's presence is there, even though I'm service, my life is devotion to God, my human vessel every single day goes through a human experience. And if I do not remind myself that God Almighty is here with me, that Christ's light is with me, everything is revealed, it is not to harm me, it is here to help me. I am not a victor, I'm not a victim. I'm here to bring victory to these. If I don't remind myself, I can very easily drown in it. So I don't know if any of you speak in favor to yourself. It's very important to speak favor to yourself. It took me a long time to start speaking favor over me, stand in agreement with me. So this is why I ended up doing this week. I journaled, I cried, I walked, I I felt the heaviness in the body, and and it seemed like I've come to an end. And we each have an ending. You you see one of my Sunday service messages about ending, how important it is to come to an end because the human has to come to an end. And I found myself coming to an end on the inside, and I sat there in my on my cushion with my eyes closed and just tearing. I said, God, I've come to my end. I just want this battle to end on the inside. I know you're here. This muscle has a bigger grip over me. You're the only one who can handle this. I can't do it on my own. And that's where my breakthrough came. I found myself by truly moving into a surrender place, inviting God, and this is what happens. God Almighty wants to take this from us, yet we, from our human lens, from our human body, take on all the look. Then we warn out, we're exhausted, we're not functioning right. So when we are not, we're more susceptible to procrastination, to anxiety, to negative thinking, and also beliefs, then we make poor choices from that place, and this goes on and on. And we keep ourselves in this loophole that we don't want to be in, yet here we are in it, and that includes me. So I'm I'm sharing again the promise of this channel, this podcast has been to be raw and real and to draw the wisdom from that which has been transformed. So, within this area, this has been an area that's um been more of a struggle to overcome, and it's almost as if being in that pain body because it's so familiar for so long, and I have learned to be with the pain, yet there is this desire to be out of the pain, be in the relief, and the pain that I'm referring to is the emotional pain. So, coming back to the moment of breakthrough when I was sitting on the cushion and I just closed my eyes weeping and inviting God to take this from me, and something interesting happened on the inside. So, on the inside, I experienced for the first time this, I don't want to call it spark, yet it seemed like it was a spark in awareness that wanted me to say out loud something else. And it seemed, it seemed almost like crazy, I have to say. So I opened my mouth and I said, In the name of God, I am released from this burdens, and my voice was loud, I just the words just came out, and my voice was so firm with authority, and something happened on the inside. It was like as if there were these, I want to say chains on the inside. Something broke on the inside through those words, and I was aware of it. I was aware of it physically, emotionally, mentally, etherically, spiritually, and I was aware of it from the observer lens. Multidimensionally, I was aware of it. So I leaned back a little bit more, my posture adjusted a little bit more with the tears. I adjusted my head a little bit more. It seemed like I was erected or almost like resurrected a little bit straighter, and my posture with my shoulders came back, and there was another set of words that came out. The other set of words was in the name of God Almighty, I am forever free under your wings of victory. And somehow I hadn't practiced it, I hadn't, I wasn't even aware I was gonna say it. The words just came out of me. When those words came out, it seemed like on the inside my physical body stood taller, like I don't want to say smoke, something shifted out of me from within. That from inside his words were said, in the name of God Almighty, and with this time my body relaxed, the voice settled down, and it said, I will never be bothered by another person ever again from their behavior as they are a child of God, they're allowed to act in whichever way they want, but I will no longer be affected because I am in agreement with God Almighty in this now, and as those words were said, something something inside my brain shifted, something happened. I don't know what it was, yet it was like immediate relief, I want to say, and it seemed like on the inside there was a current running through me, and I was experiencing on the inside, wow, this is the currency, the currency of that Christ light is running through me, running through all my bodies, like the doors to my bodies open up, the walls came down, walls of Jericho, walls came out inside of me, my heart immediately on the inside became lighter. And within an hour, this individual that had taken an actionable step that had negatively impacted me, and of course, you know she didn't mean to do it in any way on purpose or anything, but it had happened. It gave me permission to meet her with such loving presence, so much care, while being able to speak that this action created this impact, and I was aware it wasn't done purposely, yet here's what it was, and I would appreciate to be able to catch up on this and receive the help that I need. And with her, there was such a deep willingness, desire, and accountability and responsibility, which was really, really beautiful to witness. So there was this mutual space of immediate love, immediate just purity. And the best thing, I'm finding myself speaking very slowly because I'm walking you through step by step what happened on the inside. So thank you for bearing with me. And the best thing on the inside of me was wow, today I really took a different step, and I freed myself from that battle, and that understand why God Almighty created this situation so that I can experience this idea within that seemed to hit the end, and for me from inside, ask for greater help because I'm not meant to do it alone. Invite God's presence in, and when God's presence comes in, it shifts everything, gives the ability to see things to a very different reality, and then have the language, have the lens to speak from and to act from. This is how we're able to shift our reality from within so that our reality takes form in that. And what a freedom that is. So then there's a different emotion on the inside, there's a different feeling, and I felt I was being cuddled, held, loved, honored, respected, appreciated, all these feelings that I wanted to experience, but it wasn't happening because I wasn't aware that I wasn't allowing it. So it's so deep, this internal awareness and the layers of it. So ascension alchemists, why this ascension alchemist, to alchemize this ascension, to embody, we must first align it, right? To alchemize it, to embody it, it has to go through all these bodies. And the truth of God Almighty has to move through all these five bodies to become a living reality to help us shift out of the way that our human vessel has walked into the liberation and the true freedom. And that true freedom is that internal Christ. It is through that light. That eternal light, the inner Christ, leads the way, shows the way. And we can't access it if you're not allowing it. We can't access it if you don't know it's there, we can't interact with it if you've locked the door. Um, we can't go in the room on the inside. So it is a really beautiful expression, and every time that I've gone through these pockets, I've had greater awareness, greater understanding, greater understanding, and then I'm standing in that truth. So some of you saw my reel yesterday that has it's going viral. When I spoke, let me stand with you. So when I stand, I'm standing in that truth, and God Almighty is standing with me because it is a revelation from within. And those who come into that agreement, they want to stand, they want me to stand over them with them. There is a change that does take place, and this is how we all help each other. And for those who want to go much deeper, this is how I'm able to then mentor, always mentor the spiritual life mentoring, life coaching that I do with some of these specific individuals that decide to work with me three months or six months, very in-depth. We go deep into layers and layers of unveiling and the personal responsibility and the shift of our reality from within and the freedom that comes. And this is an ongoing journey. So just because I've had this doesn't mean more will not come. More will come, it is part of it. I've surrendered to that. Yet the speed in which the gap is closing is faster and faster and faster. The suffering is becoming lesser and lesser and lesser. The shift in our outer reality is speeding up to greater and better. What happens? Then there is different interaction, different collaboration, different people, different opportunities come. These are all part of it. And this is my episode today. I'm very excited for you to leave your. Comments with me. Tell me if anything that I shared resonated with you. Are you going through some of this struggle? It's very real, right? Let me know. And as I wrap this up, I leave this with you. There is such a divine perfection in this imperfection. And we are loved every step of the way. Indeed, we are loved. But we can experience the love while we are there in it. When we are out of it, we are a living testament for that which became our testimony with overcoming. So welcome to the journey. And now I'm going to have a few words for my Iranian speaking viewers, followers. Thank you so much. I look forward in hearing your comments. God bless you all. Tamometwe in Badanohtalef. Ba azinke in Afkur Afkur Baktike Balmigarebechodozhumine Tarat Hedias Zi Bobun. Ba azin Hediya Mitunam Asalam Bareshomoskonam. Express Kunam ke Besor Moshkel has Fazinke in Korodaram Mikunam Bekunam ejazi dodam dochil keamma as in Zendonam Darbyura. Zendonam keminge Zabonat Khubni, Savot Bando Zanaduri, Farashishkelos, Forsbaladi, Chelsol, Forse Hafna Azadi, Chujibukudut, Ejazimhidham Chukori Bukuni, Ba Inomidunam in Sadoye Hari Rat Nist Chunke Ayaram Ke Zabonam Bandu Zahubnabushe Bahti Az Hari Rat Sobad Mikuram Shumoik Gush Middin Unhariatum Esoskun in Dokhulatun. Bashadam Shumobitun Kumakam Kunibchantasin Dokato Kiman Bhtar Betunam Sophatghora. Maybe Namatun Hudan Agathar.